This is not the best fanfic in the world
by Dark enchanter
Summary: One-shot: A fic for Solitary Shadows 15th birthday, which was last week -.- A tribute to all she's done for the Klonoa fic community over the last two years. Don't take it too seriously.


**Author Note:** Yeah I know it's a little late, but but better late than never, right? Anyway, this is a parody fic, so I hope none of you take it too seriously. Cause if you do, you are silly, silly people!

**This is not the best fanfic in the world, this is a tribute**

Guntz sat up slowly, clutching his head. How long had he been out? He did not know. He looked up towards the sky to try and gauge how what time it was. It was a clear night sky and the full moon and stars stared up at him from above, watching his movements with curiosity.

He slowly got to his feet, checking that all his equipment was still with him. Everything appeared to be in place. Still wondering what could have made him pass out so unexpectedly, he set off walking in the direction of home.

He travelled at a steady pace across the many fields of Breezegale on his way back to the village, humming gently to himself. All things considered, it was a nice evening, and he was enjoying the chance to stretch his legs after his extended rest. Try as he might, however, he could not shake the feeling that something was amiss.

As he passed the small hill on which grew the Hikari Sakura tree, he failed to notice a figure sitting against it, eyes towards the sky. It did not stop her from seeing him, however, and she called his name unto the night. The bounty hunter turned towards the noise, and saw the figure waving at him. Curious, he walked over to her.

"I've been waiting for you." By now the figure was easily recognisable as Lolo, that girl that had always followed his partner, Klonoa, around. Why she should be waiting for him, he didn't know. "Aren't you going to sit down?" He sat. "So, how has your day been? Did you kill anybody?"

To say he was taken aback by the question was somewhat of an understatement. Fist, thies girl invites him over to her, then starts asking about his work? Somewhat nonplussed, he answered the question anyway. "No, none tonight."

"That's good." She gave an odd little smile, then lay her head down on his lap. Guntz stood up sharply, dislodging her. "Guntz?"

"I've got to go." He replied icily. He had no idea what this girl was going, but it was really starting to piss him off. She looked down at her feet in disappointment.

"Oh, okay." She continued to sit there, long after he had gone. She just sat there, thumbing the pendant around her neck. "What and fool I've been," She said, finally. "What a fool, to trust somebody like him..." Pulling out a razor blade from her backpack, she held it towards herself, the blade flashing in the moonlight. Without a seconds hesitation, she slashed it downwards into her wrists, crimson splattering onto the grass beneath her.

* * *

Guntz reached the front door to his house, a let himself in without a second thought. The only light was from the burning stub of a dying candle, leaking its precious life onto the table, next to a grand armchair, in which a certain cabbit was sleeping. It looked as if he had fallen asleep waiting for the hunters return. Rather than disturb him, Guntz opted to lock up, snub the candle and go to bed.

Several hours later, however, he awoke, very aware of a figure pressing itself onto his sleeping body. Turning over, he realised it to be Klonoa.

"What are you doing?" he asked the cabbit simply. He had always been used to strange behaviour from the other, but had most certainly never seen him behave like this.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" He asked, snuggling closer into the wolves fur and winding his arms around his waist. Guntz shoved him off roughly.

"What is wrong with you? Leave me in peace." He rolled over and pulled the covers back over himself, hoping the issue to be done with. But it was not to be so easy.

"Did something bad happen to you while you were out? You aren't hurt are you?" Guntz was grinding his teeth in irritation, he just wanted to get some sleep dammit! Pushing back the covers, he rose from the bed and crossed the room in search of his hastily discarded pants and shirt.

"Where are you going Guntz, what's wrong?" The cabbit protested, still kneeling on the bed in a state of shock.

"Out. Don't bother me." He said as bluntly as he could, pulling on his pants and buckling the belt round his waist. All this arguing was giving him a headache and all he wanted was some sleep, was that too much to ask for?

"But what about me Guntz?" It appeared that the cabbit simply did not know when to cut his losses. All the frustration built up from the nights events exploded in an instant out of the death gods mouth.

"Klonoa, just shut the fuck up for ONE MINUTE!" He screamed, his lungs threatening to rupture from the sudden exertion. "All I want to do is get to bed and go to sleep without your weirdness fucking up my sleep patterns! Is that so bloody difficult?"

Klonoa rose up from the bed, stunned. Guntz had never talked to him like that, never. Tears welling up in his eyes, he slunk out of the room slowly, eyes transfixed on the wolf who, by all rights looked as if he had forgotten his friends very existence.

From the hallway Klonoa watched as Guntz finished getting ready and, grabbing his handguns, left the house without another word. The poor cabbit was grief-stricken, he didn't know what to do any more. Eyes still flooded with tears, he looked into Guntz room and saw something that made his mind up for him. Now he knew what it was he had to do. Grabbing the object, he left the house as quickly as his love had before him, his destination firmly in mind.

* * *

The great bell tolled solemnly in the distance as the golden death reached the edge of the village, the sound carrying for miles in every direction. It was a note that forced its way into you, vibrating your entire chest and ringing in your ears. Within minutes, the people would gather to mourn the dead, even as the bell kept tolling. Guntz pushed the throttle of the red clan and leaned forwards to pick up speed. He could care less about the dead right now.

* * *

He barely knew where he was going till he got there; Volk. Typical. It seemed that no matter what happened, things always lead him back here. It was if fate was trying to draw him back in and smother him; the last flame still burning in the city since the great war.

The town would not win so easily, however. Despite taking a leave of absence, he was still the authority over the city and its people, and it's not something that any of them where likely to forget for a long time. Even now, so late at night, those who witnessed the Shinigami recognised him on sight, and dove for the shelter of the shadows, fearing that the next bullet may be for them.

The hunter paid them all no heed, however, as bounty was not what he was looking for. All he wanted to do right now was find some kind of order in the chaos that his night had been thus far. Granted, not many would have came to Volk seeking order, but now he was here Guntz could not think of a better place. All his old memories and experiences were here, just waiting for him to drive on past. On each road there was the memory of another kill, each one flooding back to his mind like it was yesterday.

Gunshots pierced through the night, louder and more frequent for your average volkan night. There was a dogfight happening right over the city. For the first time since he had got here, Guntz stopped and looked around. There were two ships, one a very average (but very powerful) fighter craft, but the other was an unmistakable an deadly fighting vessel.

"The crimson Iris!" Guntz gasped. He checked again, just to be sure, but there was no way that the ship could be anything but. It had the same shape, same markings and was the same blood-red colour that he remembered from his days trying to track down its illusive captain and bring her to justice. Sadly, in the end the town wouldn't cough up the right reward money, and the two settled their differences, to and extent.

Guntz watched in awe as the two fought; the Iris's captain, Leorina, was certainly a formidable foe and was giving her best out in the battle. Sadly, it didn't seem like her best was good enough. The other pilot was equally as skilled, and looked as if he had gotten the drop on her. As the somoke began to pour from the infamous vessel, it became all to clear who the victor in this battle would be.

As the ship finally began to plummet to the ground, Guntz through his Red Clan into a sharp u-turn and sped off down the road after it. He pushed it to full speed on the (thankfully empty) streets of Volk. His own safety be damned, he had to reach the downed craft!

When he reached the crash site, the ship was little more than a smouldering wreckage. He ran towards it, fearing the worst for its two-woman crew. He was able to pull the captain to safety, but the navigator, Tat, was nowhere to be seen. He looked around to see if she had been thrown from the ship in landing but saw no sign of her.

"Don't bother," Leorina coughed "She's dead." Guntz turned to her and tried to inspect her injuries. There were scratches and burns all over her, and a massive bullet wound pumping blood out of her chest. "And so shall I, in a few minutes."

"Don't talk like that," Guntz scolded "we'll get you a hospital, they'll fix you up."

"How are they supposed to fix THIS?" She asked, pointing to the gaping hole right in the middle of her chest. "Leave it Guntz, I'm a goner." The bounty hunter stayed silent. She was right. "Still, we had us some good times, right? You and me?" He nodded, they had had some good times together. "Too bad things never worked out for us. I mean, you were the best I'd been with... partner." She stopped to cough up some blood.

'She's talking nonsense.' Guntz reasoned to himself. 'Going delirious from the pain.'

"Still, I guess you're here now, that's got to count for something. I kinda hoped our last meeting would be on better terms than this, but fate can just be a bitch some times." She coughed again, blood and pieces of charred lung splattering on the ground. "I want you too kill me, Guntz. It's only fair."

The bounty hunter nodded. There was no chance of recovery, and in these instances it was common for volkans to want to take their own life. Leo was in no position to perform the deed, so it would naturally fall to him. He pulled his pistol from his holster, and pointed it, slowly, at her head. A series of cuts marred her head, forming a bleeding cross. He aimed there.

"I love you."

The pistol shot rang out, and the single empty chamber fell to the ground. At this sort of range, there was very little left of Leo's head, and most certainly nothing left of her life. Guntz holstered the gun and turned, leaving the way he had came. There would be people here soon. And he really didn't need that.

He had reached the Red Clan when a strange noise attracted his attention. Turning, he saw a brief glimpse of something, before his vision went black.

* * *

When he woke, he found himself crudely tied to the bed by a series of ropes, and a strange, purple skinned figure staring down at him

"Guntz, Guntz, Guntz... I thought we'd grown up by now. There's no running away from me!"

"Zweegle?" He blurted out, still dizzy from being unconscious.

"Hush." The vampire pressed a finger to the others lips. "You've been a very naughty little pet tonight, and need to be punished..." Disrobing in a single movement, the vamp began to move towards him.

As the vampire began to mount him, the bounty hunter began to whimper, wondering what kind of cruel God could have brought the nights terrible events upon him...

* * *

Somewhere, high above the city, deep in the kingdom of Cress, a mad cackling could be heard. Sitting on the throne of the empire was a strange young girl, holding the mythical pendant and laughing manically at the power she wielded. At her feet, the diva, Lephise looked on in horror.

"Miss Shadow, please," She begged "Don't do this!" The girl stopped laughing and glared.

"Be quiet! This is my universe now, mine! And nobody can stop me!" Little did the girl know that round the corner, lying in wait, was the entire legal forces of Namco, ready to pounce on her and arrest her for unauthorised use of their copyrights.

But that's a story for another time.


End file.
